I’m using this summer to go to cities that are too cold for me most of the year: Chicago and Bozeman, Montana. I went to Chicago when I was brand new and had an absolute ball on Seeking when that was a thing one could do. I’ll never forget the guy in the Viagra triangle whose wife came home WHILE WE WERE IN BED and acted totally normal. Those motherfuckers set me up and got off on it! But it was all just part of the learning curve.
I loved Chicago for comedy – at the time, I loved going anywhere for comedy where nobody knew I had a drinking problem.
The first time I went to Chicago is wrapped up in my “How I Became a Whore” story, which I keep meaning to write but don’t because it’s long and twisty and there’s no way the story in my head will ever come out onto the page a fraction as good. But that’s the job of writing. Getting over that reality so that you can write the stories you are capable of writing, which, for me, are always better than having written no stories at all.
But it was the second time in Chicago that I worked, that I got to stay in the Laugh Factory condos with Janelle James who went on to win a SAG award & get nominated for a Golden Globe for her portrayal of Ava Coleman on Abbott Elementary. She watched me perform one night and said my comedy was smart. She also gave me my first Moleskine notebook, which became my thing. When my friends started stocking up at Costco in anticipation of tarriff cost increases, I took their advice to buy a big fat pile of Moleskines, which are designed in Italy (I bought one in Milan!!!) but, like most things, manufactured in China.
One night I went to a late night bar after a successful several sets with a group of comics, and, as I was walking, a guy pulled a big fat bag of blow out of his pocket just enough so I could see while winking at me. Reader, I u-turned so hard I nearly twisted my ankle. Next thing you know I’m holding court in some enormous bathroom in the suburbs and it’s 10 am the next day. No regerts, but also, I’m glad I don’t have any more stories like that left in me.
As far as my spring tours, Boston is FULL, Philly is LIMITED, and I am no longer going to Vermont, having backed out of my bridesmaid duties after being profoundly disrespected.
Summer dates are as follows:
Chicago: July 7-9. I will be staying in Chicago proper, most likely Downtown, Gold Coast, or River North neighborhoods. I’ll give my P411 special and the password to my secret menu to the first person who sends deposit.
Date Ideas:
- Architecture River Boat Tour
- Sunset at the Skydeck at the Sears Tower
- Art Institute
- Garfield Park Conservatory
- Frank Lloyd Wright Museum
- Walk the lakefront trail
- Gangster / Crime / Mob / Haunted Walking Tour
- Shopping on Magnificent Mile
- Picnic in Millenium Park
- Pakistani food on Devon Ave
- Dinner at Maxwells Trading
- Lunch at Lou Malnati’s
Bozeman, Montana: August 5-7. I have no clue where I am staying yet; there are so many cool options.
I am highly motivated to go, so I’ll give $100 off per hour to the first three people who book
Date Ideas:
- Yoga at Bodhi Farms
- Hot springs
- Float down the Madison River
- Tempt me to stay longer for the Summer Art Walk or Sweet Pea Festival
- Happy Hour at Devil’s Toboggan
- Dinner or lunch at Montana Ale Works
- Facials at Hibernate Day Spa (whoever does this gets the other kind too ;))
Happy Sundress Season, everybody!
