Photo by Alpha Rad on Unsplash
Once I accidentally slept with a surfer. Couch, not board. I didn’t know he was homeless, I was on molly & just knew that we were vibing. He told me he felt he knew me from dozens of past lives, but he didn’t say that he paid rent in none of them. I only tell this story to warn people that you should never sleep with someone for the first time when they are wearing their social media profile picture outfit. It may be the only one they have.
So this is how I found out that he was homeless. He took his pants off. And he had another pair of pants on. I’m looking at my arm and I’m looking at him. My arm has a tattoo that says, ‘I regret nothing.’ At that moment, I realized I lied to myself. It’s in French. I’m not French, I just identify as a snob.
And his dick wasn’t even right do you understand? This is all that he has to offer me. He could not get fully hard until he was inside of me. He didn’t want to get caught outside looking ready to work. But I am a nice lady. What am I gonna do, not let him go down on me? I know he’s hungry.
It took me two entire days to get that man out of my apartment. I had to ask him to walk me to therapy and lock the door behind me.
Anyway, that’s why I don’t take drugs, live in NYC, or have sex recreationally anymore.
